The Comeback

I drank the medicine of her kind words
I realized I was missing a piece
Caring for everyone needs but my own
Walking on eggshells, holding it all in
I lost myself like sand through my fingers

Her words made me burst
My eyes clouded with oceans
And rivers ran down my cheeks
The darkness I was harbouring churning in my stomach

How did I get here?
how did I get this far from myself
I thought I was fine

I can’t sit in muck for long
My soul knows where to bring me to shelter me from the chaos and harshness
Where I can relax and take it all in

I remain on eggshells as I hold it all in to protect my sacred vision for myself
It’s not their fault, I tell myself
They don’t know they deep down harbour wrath against me and my vision

My rebirth is happening
The rebirth after the birth
When you realize, you too have work left to do
You too, Mama, have an inner child that needs caring for

I’m shedding my unwanted layers
Tossing away your garbage I’ve carried for years
I’m done with what was, its time for my comeback.

October The Third Two Thousand & Fourteen.

I now choose to give my own unconditional loving acceptance to myself, just as I am, right now.

With all my fears, hidden fears and hopelessness and as I choose to fully receive my total loving acceptance for myself, honestly and truly.

I willing and gladly open all parts of me, with these fears and hopelessness for release completely to Gods loving limitless healing light.

Death: A Cyclical Ending & A New Beginning​

Before I dove into the depths of numerology and other mystical teachings I feared the signs of death. Also since now understanding, we are cyclical beings, forever experiencing a rebirth and death process, I celebrate the death of my cycles.

Today I am five years clean and sober and have experienced the signs of a cycle ending for the last few days. It started with a spray-painted grim reaper on a train I spotted and caught a film of two days ago. All though eery in nature, he was only passing by and was the first representation of ending a chapter.

Yesterday, while under the presence of the full moon I enjoyed a tarot reading for my sign, in which the death card presented itself. In tarot, the Death card simply symbolizes an ending of a cycle and or suffering of some sort, implying a new beginning is just around the corner.

Later that night, just before I went to bed, I kicked over my laundry bucket. Thinking to myself what does that mean again? I looked it up and It said: “to die.” At first, being shocked but then realizing my gut felt good and my heart felt full. Then it all clicked! These were all signs a cycle was ending. I did a little jump for joy and celebrated the ending of suffering.

Getting to five years clean I have endured many forms of suffering and have risen above all challenges presented to me. I am a scary strong, fierce and strong-willed I have learnt, a true force to be reckoned with.

After my little dance in celebration, I went to bed. Waking up to my 5 years today felt amazing and all though I wasn’t seeing fives. I was being shown 999.

9 is the last single digit, symbolizing the ending. 999 represents a cycle of completion. I giggled as I saw 999 on my radio and a license plate and thanked the Universe for the confirmation. I can feel it in every cell of my body, a new beginning is just around the corner and I can’t wait to see it unfold.

Birth of a Frog

The labour pains of realizations of what could be and what will never be have been felt by most lately, as the Aquarius moon lit up all the rubbage stored away in the crooks and crannies of our lives. When the moon lights up fully it illuminates the darkness and leads a light further into our soul and deepest desires. It lights a path for our future, if we are brave enough and remembers to keep breathing through the labour pains of our creative indevours.

The light of the moon was a symbol and reminder of the light in me. I was pushed harder yesterday into sudden labour of F.R.O.G. The reminder to fully rely on God. That no human being can be the one to make my dreams come true, to fully support me and cherish me as I wish to be cherished. This is a job for the mystical and magical and support of The Universe, my God. The birthing of a frog feels disgusting and awful. Your limits are pushed to the maximum depths of frustration, tears and into ultimate Surrender.

Maybe you have birthed more than one F.R.O.G in your life, I know I have. What a humbling experience to reflect on the forgetfulness of our human brains. But also the beauty in our forgive fullness to ourselves if we allow it. To fully rely on God, is where I feel most aligned and powerful. To know I am at the mercy of the laws of the Universe and so deeply and uncomprehensible loved by Cosmic Energy, is where I like to reside within myself. Let this be a reminder to breathe through the pains and give into the transformation that is about to happen, steadfast through the surrender process and remember to fully rely on God.

NeverMind.

Her head swirls with overwhelming thoughts of new creative endeavors.
Her mind like that of Vishnus’ arms, clawing at new ideas.
She is after all a creator and a lover.
She’s a multidimensional and multi-passionate Being.
However, scattered and lost, but always blessed.
She finds a wise woman kind enough to guide her back home.
The wise women reminding her how simple it all really is.
She then let’s go and feels the calm.
The flow enters her Heart once again.
Her Soul at ease, she can retreat back home to her passion and to Love.

I Woke Up, In Your Dream.

I remember the day I woke up in your dream.
Your dream was for me to stay small.
I was sad for myself and others to realize I had been conditioned to stay contained in someone else’s vision.
Programmed only to make a move when there’s a green light from someone else, the one in charge.
Make sure to not make anyone feel uncomfortable with my outspoken thoughts and philosophies.
Stay straight in line.
Go to school, get good grades and get that job that will comfort me till I die.
Buy that stuff, I really needed it they said.
Have 2 kids with a two-floor house and put all your stuff in there.
What if that wasn’t my dream at all?
I was living someone else’s dream.
Living to make someone else rich.
My whole life
Till now
I woke up
And will never play small again.

Im Done Dimming My Life.

I went to start by saying my intention to write this piece was to share that I am done dimming my light. As a went to type out the title, what appeared from my fingertips was “I am done dimming my life” and that’s exactly what I meant.

I’m done dimming my light for the comfort of others. I’m done dimming my light because I care what people think. I’m done dimming my light because I want to fit in. I have found the courage to stand alone. I’m done dimming my light to live for other people’s dreams and expectations. I’m done dimming my light to settle for a false security. I’m done dimming my light for the sake of false humility. I’m done dimming my light to wait for others approval. I’m done dimming light. I’m done dimming my life.

I would love to hear from you Lovers. Please let me know in the comments below if you are also done dimming your light too. We all walk in the dark at some time in our lives and we are all connected by the same light inside us. Find the light within, It’s time to light up your life!

The Patience Virtue.

They say patience is a virtue. A virtue is a “behavior showing high moral values.”

To embody this virtue I first had to accept and trust that the Universe is taking care of all my deepest desires. It will always provide for me, always, in Divine Timing. Because it always has and always will.

Let this serve you as a reminder to fulfill your obligation to plant your intentions and goals. Then allow the Universe to let them grow, in Divine Timing, as you water them and then admire their flowering.

A Night With Oprah Winfrey.

The Night I saw Oprah Winfrey was one of the most magical and uplifting nights of my life. I got to see her closing night of her tour, for her most recent book “The Path Made Clear.” The show was two hours long. She spoke the whole two hours with inspiring words and wisdom. She shared her experience of finding and living her path and purpose in life.

To my complete surprise, Eckart Tolle was the guest speaker and it was remarkable to see in the flesh the man with no Ego. I’m not kidding you, he has no ego. Oprah even made a joke about his initials being “E.T” which does not joke, he is an extraterrestrial being. He spoke for about 15-20 minutes and it was such a blessing to see not one, but two of the greatest teachers from our time, on the same night.

There were a few moments during Oprah’s performance which I could not help myself, but to jot down some notes. In hopes, the messages would inspire others and I would love to share those with you now. Here they go as followed:

“The thing you most often didn’t get [growing up] is the thing you can most often give” [to others] -on your purpose

Focus on how can you serve. Ask yourself how can you use your power to serve.

What is your intention? Is your intention pure?

“Do what you have to do till you can do what you want to do”

Don’t betray yourself.

To explained and deepen a little more into each of those points. I would like to say the first one is that of a parable from the bible. Life is full of contradictions as I explained in my last post “beautiful little contradictions.” Oprah went on to explain that she lacked so much connection and love growing up, especially from her Mother. All though that is what she gravitated to share with the world, through her purpose and path. Love and connection. Something rang true for me when I heard this, just as our struggles and lessons turn into our gifts and blessings for the world.

I loved how she was sharing the message about service and using your intention to serve. Your value is always in how many people you can serve. Don’t forget that. I think that wraps into what is your intention? Is your intention to serve your Ego? or to serve others? You will not get far or last long if it is for your Ego. Let your light lead you.

When she said “Do what you have to do till you can do what you want to do”it was one of those things I didn’t want to hear but needed to hear. So often I want what I want and I want it now. But this is not how the Universe/spirit/source works. Actually, “time” works in our favor because it gives us a grace period to work out or goals and make adjustments as to what we want. If we got everything we wanted to manifest in a split second the world would be 1000 times more chaotic then it already is! So this was a good reminder and some good Oprah wisdom I needed to hear. She shared this was true for her when she was working as a news anchor. She knew it was not what she wanted to do, but it gave her the skills and a starting point to star on her show later in life.

Lastly, DON’T BETRAY YOURSELF. This goes with all areas of your life. But certainly with your Purpose and path. Don’t dim your light to make others comfortable. The story Oprah shared on this message was when she had to set boundaries with her family. She could not stand any longer having to see her sexual abusers at family functions as the rest of her family carried on as nothing had happened. She went along with it for far too long and that voice inside her said enough is enough. Don’t betray yourself! Live in your truth!

“Forgiveness is giving up hope that the past could have been any different.”

Art by Vix Harris.