October The Third Two Thousand & Fourteen.

I now choose to give my own unconditional loving acceptance to myself, just as I am, right now.

With all my fears, hidden fears and hopelessness and as I choose to fully receive my total loving acceptance for myself, honestly and truly.

I willing and gladly open all parts of me, with these fears and hopelessness for release completely to Gods loving limitless healing light.

Death: A Cyclical Ending & A New Beginning​

Before I dove into the depths of numerology and other mystical teachings I feared the signs of death. Also since now understanding, we are cyclical beings, forever experiencing a rebirth and death process, I celebrate the death of my cycles.

Today I am five years clean and sober and have experienced the signs of a cycle ending for the last few days. It started with a spray-painted grim reaper on a train I spotted and caught a film of two days ago. All though eery in nature, he was only passing by and was the first representation of ending a chapter.

Yesterday, while under the presence of the full moon I enjoyed a tarot reading for my sign, in which the death card presented itself. In tarot, the Death card simply symbolizes an ending of a cycle and or suffering of some sort, implying a new beginning is just around the corner.

Later that night, just before I went to bed, I kicked over my laundry bucket. Thinking to myself what does that mean again? I looked it up and It said: “to die.” At first, being shocked but then realizing my gut felt good and my heart felt full. Then it all clicked! These were all signs a cycle was ending. I did a little jump for joy and celebrated the ending of suffering.

Getting to five years clean I have endured many forms of suffering and have risen above all challenges presented to me. I am a scary strong, fierce and strong-willed I have learnt, a true force to be reckoned with.

After my little dance in celebration, I went to bed. Waking up to my 5 years today felt amazing and all though I wasn’t seeing fives. I was being shown 999.

9 is the last single digit, symbolizing the ending. 999 represents a cycle of completion. I giggled as I saw 999 on my radio and a license plate and thanked the Universe for the confirmation. I can feel it in every cell of my body, a new beginning is just around the corner and I can’t wait to see it unfold.

Birth of a Frog

The labour pains of realizations of what could be and what will never be have been felt by most lately, as the Aquarius moon lit up all the rubbage stored away in the crooks and crannies of our lives. When the moon lights up fully it illuminates the darkness and leads a light further into our soul and deepest desires. It lights a path for our future, if we are brave enough and remembers to keep breathing through the labour pains of our creative indevours.

The light of the moon was a symbol and reminder of the light in me. I was pushed harder yesterday into sudden labour of F.R.O.G. The reminder to fully rely on God. That no human being can be the one to make my dreams come true, to fully support me and cherish me as I wish to be cherished. This is a job for the mystical and magical and support of The Universe, my God. The birthing of a frog feels disgusting and awful. Your limits are pushed to the maximum depths of frustration, tears and into ultimate Surrender.

Maybe you have birthed more than one F.R.O.G in your life, I know I have. What a humbling experience to reflect on the forgetfulness of our human brains. But also the beauty in our forgive fullness to ourselves if we allow it. To fully rely on God, is where I feel most aligned and powerful. To know I am at the mercy of the laws of the Universe and so deeply and uncomprehensible loved by Cosmic Energy, is where I like to reside within myself. Let this be a reminder to breathe through the pains and give into the transformation that is about to happen, steadfast through the surrender process and remember to fully rely on God.

Anxiety Ridden to Anxiety​ Rid-of

I use to be the most anxious anxiety-ridden person I have ever met and or heard of. If you talk to anyone who knew me as a teenager or during my early recovery process, they will without a doubt say the same thing. As I started to take personal responsibility for my own life, my terrible “mental illness” has dissipated. In retrospect, I’ve realized for myself, as the drugs began to detox from my body, that it was more of an energetic illness than a mental illness. Energetically I was not aligned with my true self and the root cause of that was a closure of my throat chakra.

I have come to learn that my anxiety was a direct response to my inability to speak my truth and fear of confrontation. I found myself in places with people doing things I hated for years. I do not think this is a unique situation and the only reason I am speaking out about it is I believe it could bring awareness to others suffering from anxiety as well.

I hated school, I knew the structure was corrupt and the information was useless but the only people I could find who believed me were the “misfits.” I didn’t even want to be friends with the “bad kids,” but I found it was the only way I could find some validation for my intuitive thoughts and feelings about the world at large. I didn’t like cheating, stealing and lying, but I did love the drugs. I loved the elated feeling of euphoria, it was the closest to God I could get. But doing bad things and doing drugs gave me even more anxiety.

Like I mentioned before my throat chakra was closed “af,” my communication was also terrible. I would choke on my words of truth like I was saying the worst swear word in the world. It was like that for years, really until I started the blog, found some other modern mystics I could get totally get real with via the internet and prayers answered. I then knew I wasn’t crazy, but I was waking and was a wounded healer.

Clearing my throat chakra has been some of the hardest work I have ever done, if not the hardest. But the most rewarding and biggest catalyst to growth and expansion than any drug or retreat could ever do and I did it all by myself. This is not to say I didn’t do extensive work with counsellors, therapists and healers. But ultimately they were just guides and I was the one who did the work.

When I started doing the work by taking full responsibility for my healing and stopped putting myself in energetic places with the wrong people and things, everything started to shift. This has taken just over 4 years to do. That’s not to say Mental health is not to be taken lightly, it is very serious and is a scientific physical matter along with a spiritual one. Both must be considered while healing.

I can’t help you with the physical aspects of your mental health, that is for a professional, but I can help you with your Spiritual Healing. If you would like to start work on finding your voice, in order to start sharing your message please don’t hesitate to contact me. I want to know what’s holding you back? What do you want to share with the world? Seriously, I want to help you come out of the spiritual closet and step into your power.

I’d Rather Dance Alone

I’m coming to accept that I’m different. I like to walk the straight and narrow. I like the challenge, I like the rewards. I like levelling up and meeting new people in new dimensions of life. I want to live like the 5% and think like them too. I’d rather be brave, than cool in this world.

I want to be a leader and I realize that in order to make a difference, not everyone is going to like you. People don’t like change, it scares them. Change excites me. As a visionary, I see this world being a Utopia one day and I don’t care if you think I’m crazy. It’s my mission, with this vision, to change fear into Love.

I use to hold back from coming out of the spiritual closet because I thought people would think I’m crazy, now I realize we are all crazy. I have compassion for people who watch the news and live in fear and never attempt to master their dreams. To the ones who call spirituality woo woo. God either is or isn’t. It’s your loss in fear, not mine, I’m not taking it personally anymore.

I don’t drink, don’t smoke, don’t watch TV, don’t read magazines, don’t watch horror movies, I don’t put my kid on social media, I eat organic, I don’t have casual hookups, I also don’t have a lot of friends or followers. I’m different and I like it.

The straight and narrow is the life for me. Like I said I’d rather be brave than cool and there’s a value in being disliked, it means your authentic. You see, I would just rather dance alone, then play pretend any longer.