Death: A Cyclical Ending & A New Beginning​

Before I dove into the depths of numerology and other mystical teachings I feared the signs of death. Also since now understanding, we are cyclical beings, forever experiencing a rebirth and death process, I celebrate the death of my cycles.

Today I am five years clean and sober and have experienced the signs of a cycle ending for the last few days. It started with a spray-painted grim reaper on a train I spotted and caught a film of two days ago. All though eery in nature, he was only passing by and was the first representation of ending a chapter.

Yesterday, while under the presence of the full moon I enjoyed a tarot reading for my sign, in which the death card presented itself. In tarot, the Death card simply symbolizes an ending of a cycle and or suffering of some sort, implying a new beginning is just around the corner.

Later that night, just before I went to bed, I kicked over my laundry bucket. Thinking to myself what does that mean again? I looked it up and It said: “to die.” At first, being shocked but then realizing my gut felt good and my heart felt full. Then it all clicked! These were all signs a cycle was ending. I did a little jump for joy and celebrated the ending of suffering.

Getting to five years clean I have endured many forms of suffering and have risen above all challenges presented to me. I am a scary strong, fierce and strong-willed I have learnt, a true force to be reckoned with.

After my little dance in celebration, I went to bed. Waking up to my 5 years today felt amazing and all though I wasn’t seeing fives. I was being shown 999.

9 is the last single digit, symbolizing the ending. 999 represents a cycle of completion. I giggled as I saw 999 on my radio and a license plate and thanked the Universe for the confirmation. I can feel it in every cell of my body, a new beginning is just around the corner and I can’t wait to see it unfold.

Saturn Return.

“We do not grow absolutely, chronologically. We grow sometimes in one dimension, and not in another; unevenly. We grow partially. We are relative. We are mature in one realm, childish in another. The past, present, and future mingle and pull us backward, forward, or fix us in the present. We are made up of layers, cells, constellations.”
Anais Nin


There has been some extraordinary changes to my inner and outer essence since I’ve turned 27. Saturn moved into the sign of Capricorn on December 21st 2017, marking my first Saturn Return. During this time I have transitioned from Maiden to Mother and broken through the fear of God. I have reconnected with the Infinite and Loving Divinity of the Universe, along with my Shamanic Ancestry.

Opposing the exhilaration and bliss of this time, I have cold heartily had to look at my reoccurring self defeating patterns and behaviours, once again. Consequently, making bold changes and having to reconstruct my values and belief system. Ive experienced loneliness on levels most individuals would not encounter, but better yet confront. Thus far, the anointment Saturn has poured over me with Maturity, has been the most internally rewarding time of my life.

I am looking forward to finishing off this cosmic cycle during my 29th birthday. Just like all cycles, when the end is near and a new beginning will present itself. The Universe will never leave you empty handed, especially on your journey of evolving your Inner Divinity. 29 will be a Master year for me (2+9=11). Eleven, twenty-two and thirty-three are all Master Numbers. I am hoping it will be the supporting catalyst I am looking for, bring me closer to my Purpose within the Healing Arts. Please leave a comment about your own personal experience, or feel free to inquiry about your own Saturn Return inquests.

I take steps in the dark, holding the hand of Faith, as I  work through my shadows. It Continually brings me closer to my Home – which is Love.